February 23rd, 2010

belly dancer

well, that's different.

I went to talk to a counselor yesterday, psychologist rather and got a super fun diagnosis of bipolar with generalized anxiety disorder as a secondary and also OCP (obsessive compulsive personality...which isn't really all that bad, it just means I'm pretty damn anal)and likely adult ADD. Of course duh, I've had ADD since I was a wee little thing but I always found a way to manage it by pissing my teachers off doing 5 things at once and still being able to answer the question when they asked.

I don't necessarily disagree with Bipolar. I do disagree about it being type I, which would imply that I actually had fits of mania, which I don't. I have cycles of major depression with a "mania" that consists of feeling just slightly better than normal and then periods of 'okayness" in between them. I will protest that diagnosis when I go and talk to the counselor again next week (boy it's handy being able to look up my own medical records in our system). She also made a suggestion for a specific type of vitamin (off record since she's not supposed to give medication advice) for me to try and take and see if helps some. I have thirty days until my medication evaluation. If taking the vitamin gets things under control, then I will ask not to be put on anything other than a mild antidepressant and something for anxiety. There is no way in hell I'm letting these people drug me.

In other news, fifth_dimension and I ordered these three Jillian Michaels DVDs that I'm pretty sure are going to make us hate our lives. Shit shit. But I'm excited. I have to get a DVD player so I don't have to watch it on my laptop as it would make it quite hard. Exercising always makes me feel better though when I am able to motivate myself enough to do it. Again, that is part of the depression piece but hey...I know what this thing is now and I ain't scared of no brain chemicals.

Listen up body--you don't control me. I control you. Get it? Got it? Good. I'm not going to let this thing beat me. The last few years have been getting increasingly bad but no more. I am going to feel normal again. I'm determined.
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    determined